Watching my Weight...For the Rest of my Life

This is the After from 2008

This is the before from 2000

Ahhh...food. I love it; I hate it. It brings me great pleasure and comfort along with anguish and disgust. Where is the balance? Where is the concept of eating to live rather than living to eat? I know it's somewhere in my head, but I just can't find it. I truly believe that once weight is a problem it will be a problem forever. It can be managed, but i can never let my guard down, or I slip right back into bad patterns.

I've never blogged about my weight issues before. So, here's a bit of history. I was always average in my weight until college. The Freshman Fifteen probably became the Freshman Forty for me. Ben and Jerry's were two of my best friends. After my first year of just coming home for the summer and then going to a new school I lost it all. I have no idea how. Through the rest of college I was OK; not skinny, but average. I never owned a scale.

I graduated, got a job, and started seriously spending time with my soon to be husband. Steve lived an hour away and we visited every weekend. It didn't leave a lot of time to shopping, meal preparation and cooking so we ate out a lot. Oh, and I was working full time and in grad school. I gained weight again and didn't even realize it. I knew I bought bigger pants, but really I was oblivious.

We got married in 2001. At some point, I'm not sure why, we decided to get a scale. I will never forget the moment in my kitchen when I stepped on it. I was horrified. How did THAT happen? I immediately joined Weight Watchers Online. In a few short months, I had lost a lot of weight and felt great.

Enter the years of infertility and adoption stress. Let's say I gained back all but 10 of what I had lost. Adeline came home and when she was 2 we started to go to Weight Watcher meetings together. My buddy helped me to lose more than ever. Enter a second adoption and the ensuing year of no sleep. I gained back a bunch and now I have about 10 to lose.

The cycle seems to be constant. I wonder when I'll actually beat it an maintain. What will it take to make it all click or will I really struggle the rest of my life? I know the key is living a disciplined life and going to God in all circumstances. I have so far to go...